Danne Unscripted?

So, how unscripted do I want to be? This is not the first time I’ve faced this dilemma. This burdensome demon to my writing is the reason why I have many unposted blogs that may never experience the joy of publication. I find that I cannot decide if it is better to let them die a silent death or have them live a scripted life. These “what if I’m offensive” or “wrong” or “judged” or “misunderstood” questions are hard enough to deal with, but now I’m facing a conundrum of a different sort.

What if I’m too vulnerable? When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s easy for me to write about what has happened, what I’ve experienced, and what I am growing from. That’s cathartic. It’s a little harder to write about what I look forward to, what I hope to happen. That takes faith. It’s energizing. But to write about what’s happening now, to open up my heart and pour it out for the world (my world, the people I know, the people who’s opinions matter) to see, judge, criticize, define as it is beating and bleeding… that takes a courageous amount of weakness. It’s heroic. And right now, I wonder if I am strong enough to be that weak.

Still, my soul be still

You’ve flooded my thoughts, lately.

I think of you as I drift to sleep and thoughts of you awaken me to the rising sun. What are you doing? How are you feeling? Did you sleep well? Are you having a good day? Is the Lord speaking to you? What is He saying? Is it about me? What are you thinking? Are you thinking of me? Do you think of me? Do you try not to? Is it hard? Are you hurting? Are you sad? This is agonizing!

Why didn’t you talk to me? Why don’t you talk to me? What did you mean by what you said? Why am i trying to analyze what you said? Why couldn’t you just say, “hi”? Why did you look at me that way when you said, “hi”? Why do you smile at me like that? Why don’t you just say what you’re feeling? Are you feeling anything at all? This is torture! This is agonizing!

Why don’t I just say what I’m feeling? Why don’t I just tell you what I’m thinking? I wish I knew. I wish I could change this. I wish I could stop this. I wish I could let this go. I wish I could let this be. I wish I could forget these hopes. I wish I… I wish I didn’t…

I tried, you know. I try. I try to forget. I try to ignore. I try to pretend. I tell myself that it doesn’t matter if you notice me. That I don’t care if you think of me. I tried. I try to tell myself that your words mean nothing to me, that your smile means nothing to me, that your eyes mean nothing to me… And yet, I find myself laughing when I watch you play with children. I’m moved when I see you give a gentle hand. I look for you every time I enter a room.

You’re in my thoughts lately. I smile when I wake up with you on my mind. I blush when you notice me in a crowd. I love when you look at me that way, like you have everything to say. I enjoy our pointless banter. I’m frustrated that you say nothing at all. I’m grieved that you walk away. This is soul-wrenching! This is heartbreaking! I want to cry. Just then, I hear the words, “Still my soul be still, Do not forsake The Truth you learned in the beginning, Wait upon the Lord, And hope will rise As stars appear when day is dimming”. I am reminded that God is in control. He calms the raging seas just as easily as the currents of my heart. He ceases the wild wind just as quietly as my turbulent thoughts.

…and I do cry

Still My Soul Be Still

How hard could it be?

I’m one do it yourself project away from moving to a commune. And by commune, I mean a contemporary farm house with updated amenities on a manicured piece of land that I don’t have to tend to with cute animals that I don’t have to care for.

Well, now that that’s cleared up, truth be told, I’ve always been a do it myself kind of girl. As a kid, I made dresses for my Barbie dolls, built my own Barbie dream penthouse, and put chocolate chips in homemade rice krispies before Kellogg was selling them. I’ve made my own hair conditioner, created my own wall art, built my own patio, and installed my own shelving in my garage. I’ve made an Ottoman cover, designed t-shirts, created jewelry, sewed curtains, reupholstered a chair, and did all the floral arrangements for a friend’s wedding because I thought I could.

So, my latest “how hard could it be?” project, making my own body products. Today, I finished my test batch of all natural homemade lip balm. Next up, body butter and scented candles. Now, if only I could work on manicuring that lawn.

Cover the Night has ended - but the advocacy is just beginning

Reblogged from Invisible Children Blog:

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It’s official – the sun has set on the world’s final timezone and on Cover the Night. You have surpassed any and all expectations we had. While our intention for the event initially was to raise awareness about Kony and the LRA, after the film’s release the plan evolved into an opportunity to serve our communities and keep Kony and the LRA on the forefront of global consciousness.

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Foreign Policy: Invisible Children Responds

Reblogged from Invisible Children Blog:

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While Kony 2012 was being released, I was working with Invisible Children staff and community leaders in DR Congo on civilian protection initiatives. I was astonished to see the view count climb into the millions. None of us expected that a 29-minute film about Joseph Kony would go viral — or that the backlash would include criticisms that Invisible Children was…

Read more… 1,164 more words

"What is not complex, and what the film appropriately simplifies, is the morality of the issue."