danne INKED

The Beautiful Veil (6.18.07) 

I recently talked to a friend of mine who had met her future husband while serving on a mission trip. This particular friend and I had spent countless hours talking and praying about our future husbands, and even countless more questioning our own beauty and attractiveness because no one around seemed to be interested. To make a long story short, God completely ordained and arranged every detail, every frustration, every moment to lead her and this man together in perfect unity.  

Haven’t we all heard some version of this divinely inspired love story before? 

Typically, every time I heard such a story, I went into a panicked emergency planning mode. I had to get all of my ducks in a row; I had to pray twice as much; I had to really try harder to get rid of all my bad habits; I had to lose those extra pounds; I had to serve in extra ministries; because my turn would be soon – and I had to be available and ready. 

But this time I was truly convicted in an entirely different way. I thought about how I have been wasting my singleness away. I analyzed the amount of times I labored in vain, emotionally pleading for the attention of men that I believed I was “so in love with”. I grieved over the prayers spent, begging God to reveal my greatness as a person and appeal as a woman. And the fact of the matter is, God has already planned everything. When I meet my husband, he will know all there is to know because he was created to love me. His heart was formed to beat with mine. His eyes were made to see me. There is nothing I can do to alter that process.  

Love is un-explainable. It is un-rehearsed. It is not convicted or coerced. It is not pre-meditated. And contrary to popular beliefs, love it un-deserved. There is nothing so great about me to make me deserving of another life’s total devotion. It is a blessing. A beautiful gift from God and a constant reminder of His own sacrifice which He will bestow on me when He sees fit. And the same God that created all of my complexities, created someone who will understand them.  

So I don’t need to pray for other peoples’ eyes to be unveiled, but rather that mine would be. That I would only see everyone and everything through His eyes. That I would become single-minded and single-focused, faithfully loving and serving Him for who He is – not because of who I might bump into at the soup kitchen. I need to pray that my eyes would remain veiled until He desires for me to see the one person that I need to see.
 

tHE uGLY dUCKLING (9.25.07)

Help! Identifiable Metal Objects have invaded my mouth!

So, yes, today is the official start of a two year journey. Granted, this journey started months ago with doctors’ visits, hours of consultations, films of x-rays and scores of extremely weird photographs; but today, I have officially started my journey as a braces wearer – a metal mouth.

Now, please don’t think I’m being crude in saying this. The lasting effects of school yard taunts still resonate in my ears. By no way is this the epiphany in which I learn what it’s like to be on the other side. I’ve always been on the other side. But for some reason, having to wear braces at the ripe-ol’ age of 27 makes me feel like I’ve sunk down deeper into the pit of the other side. It’s like I having my lifetime membership tattooed on my toosh (or more appropriately on my teeth).

My sister, the first person I called after my branding, tried to put things into perspective for me by encouraging me to be myself and reminding me that beauty cost. Hmmm.

Ok, in all honesty, I will not deny that there are some aesthetic benefits to my going through all of this work. And although the major factors in my finally making this decision are medical (I can no longer chew properly, I tend to clench my jaw and as a results get piercing headaches, I bruise my tongue to the point that I can only eat soft foods or liquids) in the end, all anyone will care about will be the physical…

That’s what I’m struggling with right now. Of all the things I’ve had the hardest time loving about myself, my smile was among the top. But I finally overcame the lie that made me believe it wasn’t beautiful. Now, all I can think about is the fact that I haven’t given anyone an open smile in the last hour.