HE is jealous for me

The raspy voice reaches across the room, “He” loves us… Oh how “He” loves…”

“Stop!” I want to scream “Stop! Please just STOP!” I can’t handle it. I can’t accept it! I can’t bear the weight of my unworthiness. I can’t look at “You”, my eyes are so bloodshot with guilt. I can’t reach out and take your hand, mine are so sullied and undefiled. I can’t be in your presence, my sin is so foul.

I know I am a liar. I know my hypocrisy. I cannot live without “His” love. I know the fear that grips me… that I will push “Him” away… forever. I don’t want to lose “Him”. The thought is paralyzing. But this love is piercing. This love is exposing. This love is too much for me to bear. This love… His love tortures me. His love convicts me.  His love, “Please break me.”

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me. -John Mark McMillan


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