So, how unscripted do I want to be? This is not the first time I’ve faced this dilemma. This burdensome demon to my writing is the reason why I have many unposted blogs that may never experience the joy of publication. I find that I cannot decide if it is better to let them die a silent death or have them live a scripted life. These “what if I’m offensive” or “wrong” or “judged” or “misunderstood” questions are hard enough to deal with, but now I’m facing a conundrum of a different sort.
What if I’m too vulnerable? When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s easy for me to write about what has happened, what I’ve experienced, and what I am growing from. That’s cathartic. It’s a little harder to write about what I look forward to, what I hope to happen. That takes faith. It’s energizing. But to write about what’s happening now, to open up my heart and pour it out for the world (my world, the people I know, the people who’s opinions matter) to see, judge, criticize, define as it is beating and bleeding… that takes a courageous amount of weakness. It’s heroic. And right now, I wonder if I am strong enough to be that weak.