An Unscripted Answer

How am I doing?

The truth is, not well. I’m not doing well at all. I’m tired. Tired of striving. Tired of struggling. Tired of fighting. Tired of being bigger. Tired of feeling smaller. Tired of working harder. Tired of nothing working. Tired of wanting. Tired of not wanting. Tired of deciphering between needing and wanting. Tired of thinking. Tired of feeling. I’m just tired… And I hate it.

I hate where I am right now. I hate that I want to leave. I hate that I’m afraid to stay. I hate how I feel about everything. I hate that I think I should be grateful because others have it so much worse. I hate that I feel thinking that way devalues my feelings. I hate that life seems to be moving on while I’m stuck standing still. I hate that I don’t want to move along with it. I hate that I feel squeezed and pressured from every side yet completely torn apart in every direction. I hate that I’ve given so much to produce so little. I hate that I want to give more. I hate that I care. I hate that I don’t want to anymore… And that’s it…

That’s the truth about how I’m “doing” right now.

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