A Love I Could Not Deserve

I am Katniss Everdeen. Selfish. Self-absorbed. Manipulative. Prideful. Faithless. And completely underserving of a love like Peeta Mellark.

Yes, I am writing about The Hunger Games again, specifically, Mockingjay. I had to.

I was so utterly disgusted and fed up with Miss Everdeen in this third installment. Whatever pitiable quality she possessed died on those 398 pages and the movie did little to help revive them. I loathed the way she used loved as a tool… A weapon to get what she wanted. The way she flitted back and forth between “friends”, but never without her own self-gratifying motives at the forefront of her every actions. The way she woefully (and endlessly) mourned her own pain while callously wounding others. The way she repeatedly cast before swine the pearls of love she received from Peeta… was the most sickening and frustrating thing of all because…

Because I am Katniss Everdeen. Foolishly self-reliant. Blindly disobedient. Emotionally ignorant. Disastrously arrogant. I cannot accept a love given so completely, it shames all the strings attached to mine. I cannot abide a love so pure, it reveals all the ugly filth of mine. And when confronted with a love offered so freely, I am angry for a debt that cannot be paid with mine.

I have spent the last few weeks ruminating on Miss Everdeen, trying to figure out what it was that irked me so sorely. Clearly she does not deserve Peeta! She does not appreciate him the way I would if his character didn’t only exist in books to torment me! And that’s when I realized, I am her and she is me. I am at the mercy of the love of Christ. Pure, complete, free. A love I could not deserve, a love that holds me to a mirror and reveals to me all the reasons why. Yet, rather than gratefully accepting, I mindlessly deny. I cast aside this priceless gift in hopes of attaining something I can afford. I cast before swine His rare pearl for something I “deserve”.

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