Sexy and Feminine

At first, I was envious of the girl in her cute workout shirt. She looked sexy and feminine… What I was told sexy and feminine should look like… all my life.

I’ll never be able to pull that off, I mused, watching her strut around the gym.

And then the workout started. And I watched her, in her cute workout shirt, struggle to lift a 15-pound bar with 3-pound plates on it. And I looked down at my bar…. and wiped the sweat off my brow… and chuckled at my foolishness.

Silly girl, this 115-pound bar is a hell of a lot sexier.

~that’s life… in no particular order

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17 Ways to Show Your Love

1. 11:45 p.m., Forced to take Aleve to fend of the stealth ninjas attacking my uterus
2. 8 a.m., Unscheduled shower by non-oscilating sprinklers.
3. 8:20 a.m., Repeat #2 in work clothes
4. 8:25 a.m., Bumper to bumper traffic
5. 9 a.m., Arrive to office sauna caused by a blown out A/C unit
6. 9:05, Compurers are down
7. 11 a.m., Ninjas return with reinforcement… Not prepared
8. 11:01 a.m., Stopped keeping track of time
9. People
10. Nasty emails
11. Very nasty coffee
12. More people
13. People who inappropriately use BCC for gossip
14. Red velvet diabetic death trap cake
15. Sword-weilding master ninjas
16. Car used as target practice for angry tree
17. Your grace is sufficient for the many ways You show your love
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~that’s life… in no particular order

My New Normal

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It fits!
Not “plus size store” fits.
Not “women’s section” fits.
Not “specialty cut”, “loose fitting”, “maternity style” fits.
But “normal” fits.
In the same store with the “normal women” fits.
On the same rack as the “normal women” fits.
“Hopeful that you want to buy it” rather than “anxious that it will look awful” sales associate fits.
Suddenly I have a choice, “to buy it because I want it, not because it fits” fit.
Suddenly I find myself, “shocked by the unexpected moment in the Van Heussen dressing room”, “stunned with a frozen smile on my face”, “embracing my new normal” fits.

~that’s life… in no particular order

Poison and Wine and Whatever Moves You

So, I joined a writing group. Why? Because that itch, that need to be creative, that gnawing sensation of what I’ve not yet done, of where I’ve not yet gone, of who I’ve not yet been was clawing its way out of my skin and I was left with no other choice. So, I joined a writing group to help me help me.

I sat, giving eager attention, as the women seated around the small table took turns sharing their writings. A devotional. An inspirational blog. A self-help book. A memoir. Words written to help others. Beautiful stories created to inspire.

… Hmmm…

… Thinking and processing…

… I have “nothing” to share…

… Three days later… still thinking… and processing… and “nothing” to share

Enter The Civil Wars‘ Poison and Wine on my Spotify with the moment of truth.

I just want to write love stories. Fantastical, romantic fiction about the human condition in and out of relationships. I want to write about hearts meeting and breaking and mending. About longingly waiting and painfully letting go. About expectant butterflies and unceasing tears. Even if that doesn’t seem very… inspiring, it is what’s moving me.

Here’s a list (in no particular order) of what else is moving me:
Lisa Hannigan¬†“I Don’t Know
P
aramore “Still Into You”
Rictor “Till the End”
The Civil Wars “Dust to Dust” and “To Whom it may Concern” and “Falling”